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If Only I Saw Past That Smile

I thought you were special,
You looked past the skanks, and the whores,
You didn’t see me as the ‘dirty emo’ or ‘the nerd’,
If only I saw past that smile.

You didn’t know the joke would go too far this time,
The horrible bet with the rest of the footy team,
Why did you pick me? I guess I won’t ever know,
If only I saw past that smile.

The others had warned me:
“Inside he is dark, disgusting and vile,
He isn’t all that, look past the smirk.”
If only I saw past that smile.

There was no one in the world like you,
You seem to care, to love me,
You were going to be The One,
If only I saw past that smile.

I finally found the truth,
Your dirty little bet with the guys,
You stuck by me for those 3 months,
If only I saw past that smile.

What a fool I was to think I could be loved by someone,
I can’t say it wasn’t your fault,
Because it was, I hope you drown in remorse,
If only I saw past that smile.

My brother found me on the floor,
Razor in my hand, drowning in a bath of blood,
He rang for help, it was too late
If only I saw past that smile.

You saw my body on the late news,
While you were with your mates at the shops,
You knew it was me and threw up with shame,
If only I saw past that smile.

I hope you suffer and never forget my cold, dead face,
And never forget my laugh and cry,
I hope my presence haunts you forever,
If only I saw past that smile.

I hope you know I’m in a better place now,
Here with my Mother,
I hope you never forget me and realise this is your fault,
If only I saw past that smile.

By Claire Shesgreen