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I HAVE A MAN

The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving

Not overly-intelligent

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party

(self-explanatory)

Tighter than bark on a tree

Not very generous

Big hat, no cattle

All talk and no action

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet

We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced

He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow

He has a pretty high opinion of himself

She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth

That woman can talk

It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs

We really could use a little rain around here

Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly

Appearances can be deceptive.

This ain't my first rodeo

I've been around awhile

He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch

Not the most handsome of men

They ate supper before they said grace

Living in sin

Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope

Stop arguing and do as you're told

As full of wind as a corn-eating horse

Rather prone to boasting

You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make em biscuits

You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is

That's a fur piece.

It'll take you awhile to get there

Don't worry 'bout the mule son, just load the wagon

just do your part and I'll do mine

Don't call him a cowboy, till you've seen him ride

Don't judge a book by its cover

She's been rode hard and put away wet

refers to an unnattractive, hard-looking woman

toad choker

a heavy rain

frog strangler

also a heavy rain

finer than frog hair

use anywhere you might use the word "fine"

rarer than hen's teeth

pretty darn rare

tump

to spill, as in "I jes' tumped over mah beer"

coke

Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Sprite, Mountain Dew, Big Red, etc.

Some Texas Wisdom

1. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
2. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.
3. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
4. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
5. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
6. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
7. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
8. Don't squat with your spurs on.
9. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep
10. Always drink upstream from the herd.
11. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
12. There are 3 kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Guy

• Does it come with an air pump?
• But it still works right?
• Why don't we just cuddle
• Are you cold?
• Maybe if we water it, it'll grow
• awww, it's cute!
• At least this won't take long
• It's okay, we'll work around it
• It looks so un-used...
• Will it squeak if I squeez it?
• Maybe if we get really drunk first...
• I've smoked joints fatter than that
• Why is god punishing me?
• I've never seen one like that before
• Is that an optical illusion?
• Um, well, maybe I'm just an early bird...
• So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality!